49

Happy birthday to you. I don’t know what to talk to you about. T told me today that I shouldn’t try so hard. How do I do that? Feeling down after that visit, I don’t know what to do or what I want.

48

One more time, one more chance. I still want you. Just you.

47

I miss you. I want to talk to you. Oh god, it’s been 4 weeks.

46

Watching My Sassy Girl and when she pulls back her hair, she looks like you. Damn it I’m screwed. I miss you.

45

Okay so nat champs was over, we won first. So what? You weren’t there, you should’ve been. It would be perfect. But you weren’t. Nothing much to say about that, kind of expected it to be that way. Been more than a week since we talked. Okay I just retweeted your tweet today just ‘cuz it’s for Chloe and she’s sick. I think. Why am I thinking? Because we’re not talking and I don’t know about you. I heard some stuffs about you again, disappointed? I’m not sure. All I know is if it goes on and everything is true, I’m pretty much speechless. Why? I really don’t know, someone like you doing that, please don’t. Please, I really miss you so much, I don’t know what to do. I even dreamt that you texted me, I woke up just to look at my phone. Sadly, there wasn’t any green led blinking. Really don’t know what to do. And this rate, we’re never gonna talk again and when we see each other, it’ll just be that sad, awkward moment where we both look at each other, fake a smile, fake a “Hello” and walk away. That is sad, really. The five people you meet in heaven, meaningful lines everywhere. I miss you, J.

44

I guess I should give everything a break. Stop contacting you, before you find me irritating. Or maybe you already did. My life is in a mess, everything is only done half-way or only half completed. My studies, my bike, nat champs is not over yet, still halfway. The most important part of our journey of 3 years will be tomorrow. How will we do? Most importantly, you. I come back to you when everything is over. A break for both of us too. No contact? I’ll try. I might fail. Who cares? You don’t, that’s for sure.

43

So I went to watch you play and didn’t text you. Did you see
me? I don’t know, somehow something inside of me didn’t want to text you. Great win by the way. And you still look amazing even though you cut your hair. Looking at your pictures made me realize again how gorgeous you look. When you smile, yeah it’s kinda like someone using a Flamethrower in the winter, I melt. And everything inside of me goes crazy. Tomorrow will be different, someone else is going with me. Surprisingly and coincidently, to watch Syah play. Gonna be a not-so-simple story behind it I foresee. So curious. Maybe it might be my cue to talk to her too, afterall I’ll talk to her about you. Funny how my iTouch auto-corrected the previous word to tiger, your tumblr. What a coincidence. Not talking to you, good or bad? Goodnight J.